


White Swan, Black Swan

by Savageandwise



Category: The Beatles
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, John's death is mentioned, M/M, McLennon, Not the real yoko, OOC, Poetry, Work of fiction, not my take on reality, trying something different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-27 23:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14436729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savageandwise/pseuds/Savageandwise
Summary: And this is where the tale began in earnest.The witch's curse,The clock struck twelve,Every story needs a villain.So I was yours.Yoko speaks.





	White Swan, Black Swan

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of companion piece to my fic Raglan Road but it can be read on it's own.  
> I thought I'd try something a little different. Please comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> John's death is mentioned in this.  
> If you don't like Yoko continue at your own risk...

Late last night you rang me,  
You asked:  
Did he still love me?  
It was late for me,  
Early for you,  
That always was the way with you and me,  
White swan, black swan.  
But we were never really opposites,  
Just the same thing in a different colour.

I arrived in the middle of the fairy tale,  
After the wishes were granted,  
After the wedding and the honeymoon,  
After the ball when your dancing shoes were all worn out and you had holes in your souls.

It was the beginning of the end when I arrived,  
A figure in white with my scissors and my apple,  
Yes? Or no?  
My hammer and my invisible nails.

It was the beginning of the end but you didn't know that yet,  
You didn't know one day soon you'd forfeit your kingdom for a pair of wings and a golden haired woman who rode bareback.

You arrived at a crossroads in my life,  
My ship had sailed but I kept chasing the winds anyway.  
And they led me to your door. 

I came to your door with a mouthful of lies.  
It was a language you were fluent in.  
You, you luck-kissed prince,  
with your pale skin and dark head,  
your hazel eyes,  
your liar’s mouth.

Your kisses were just as sweet as your lies.  
A woman's weapon is her cunt,  
I learned how to use mine just like every girl,  
But you were no different with your pretty face,  
Your awkward bow,  
French suit,  
Polished boots,  
Thank you.  
You're welcome.  
All you need is love.

Yes, I knew who you were.  
Who didn't?  
And Ringo means Apple in Japanese.

You and I were never meant to be lovers.  
I had eaten mulberries from the bush when I had nothing,  
I had cause to fear the sky,  
You were born when it was almost over,  
A child of hope, a child of beginnings.  
Is it any wonder you ushered in the new age?  
I didn't make pretty things,  
I poked holes in the horizon,  
Showed people the world beyond the sky,  
There is no new,  
only human frailty and human strength.  
You said that in song,  
I said it in action.

We were never meant to be lovers.  
But you took me home with you anyway,  
Laid me down in your well-fucked sheets,  
Put your head on the breasts my child suckled from.  
Ours was a business transaction like any other.  
For you: diversion,  
For me: my foot in the door.

Then you gave me his address and rendered my world salt and ash,  
I was a shadow burned into the pavement.

How can I speak of him?  
Does the parched earth dream of rain?  
Does the moon long for the sun after he's gone?  
Warm herself in the remnants of his glow?  
Was I always his?

I watched him bite into my apple.  
It was like that first taste of heroin,  
I thought:  
What is this?  
This beautiful feeling.  
How can I have it always?  
Was that what you thought at fifteen?  
When you listened to his garbled lyrics,  
When you looked up at that silly hair,  
That cheeky smile,  
That forward gaze,  
What is this beautiful feeling?  
How can I have it always?

Before you gave me to him he was yours.  
(And you were his)  
I knew it at once.  
I could smell you on him.  
That sharp green scent,  
Mown fields and forgetfulness,  
broken promises and nursery rhymes.  
Yours was _a secret that never was said._

Do I need to tell you what happened then?  
So much is lost in the opiate haze of love,  
Love is war.  
I campaigned for peace.  
Draw your own conclusions.  
I could see you through the smoke and destruction  
I could hear you over the gunfire,  
You were calling his name  
So I called it louder.

And this is where the tale began in earnest.  
The witch's curse,  
The clock struck twelve,  
Every story needs a villain.  
So I was yours.  
I came like a vengeful fairy into the hall,  
And tore down your dream.  
The emperor is naked.  
He knew the truth already I only gave it a voice.

When he told you he didn't need you anymore,  
I knew I had won.  
I didn't win him,  
He wasn't a gold medal.  
I saw what you wanted and I took it,  
All's fair-  
I thought you'd fight, I thought you'd plead.  
You chewed off your own foot instead,  
-in love and war.  
Was it worth it to burn down your world,  
to leave those words unsaid?  
Only you know the answer.

You took my knife and cut yourself free,  
Snow White tore out her own heart.  
Sealed it in lead.  
The Queen demanded it so she gave it freely.  
What is a heart worth?  
You made your own path,  
As I did.  
We were matched you and I,  
Two sides of his coin.  
You were the villain in my story.

It ends with me taking my prince and sailing towards freedom.  
It ends with _the swan gliding above the ocean._  
It ends with tears and ashes.  
There are no beginnings or endings,  
Ouroboros.  
We didn't leave you behind,  
He kept you locked inside him,  
In place I couldn't never touch.  
I never left you behind.  
You'd written yourself onto my pages.

The story doesn't end here.  
There are no happy endings,  
We weren’t built for it.  
We were built of bone and blood,  
Sorrow and whimsy,  
You can only know yourself entirely.  
You belong only to yourself.

So I set him free,  
I tied my trinket to his wrist.  
That he might remember me and return.  
My world made no sense without him,  
Freedom was bitter and difficult to swallow.  
Did you think you'd win him back?  
Did you think it would be easy?  
You slid back together like puzzle pieces,  
Magnets that couldn't let well enough alone.  
I had you pull him back for me with a well placed word.  
You knew what I did,  
And why.  
You gave him back to me for safe-keeping.

And he was born  
My bright eyed boy,  
To fill the hole where Kyoko’s laughter had been.  
The one star we wished on,  
_The one star awake._  
Was I wrong to think hard times were over?  
Was I foolish?  
You didn't see it coming either.  
No one did.

This is the part for which there are no words.  
No words.  
There are no words for this part.  
Tell me it isn't true.  
Tell me it isn't true.  
Tell me it isn't true. 

I put my head against the ground,  
I cracked my head against the ground,  
to spill what I had seen onto the linoleum:  
The shots as they hit him, blows by invisible fists,  
His body, an empty vessel, the soul poured out of it.  
You didn't see it like I did,  
You weren't there,  
You got it right, Paul,  
It's a drag.

They gave me his ring,  
I put it on my hand.  
Clamped it between my fingers like a child might.  
It didn't conjure him back.  
Yes, I'm a witch.  
Magic only goes that far.

I couldn't say the words,  
I couldn't tell you I'd failed him,  
You gave him to me for safe-keeping,  
I lost him.  
Someone else told you.  
Someone else rang .  
Call me a coward.  
I could stand my own sorrow,  
Yours would have killed me outright.

I see him in my dreams.  
Do you?  
I tell myself he's happy there,  
No longer trapped between us,  
He came to me at dawn,  
_Came in so sweetly_  
_That his feet made no din._  
He told me: Live life.  
When I hear your songs on the radio I think he must have told you the same.  
You don't need me to tell you he loved you.

This story began with you and me.  
The lovers that never were.  
It will end with us too.  
After everything passes into eternity,  
We wrote our own history.  
We kept his memory alive.  
His story was about you and me.  
White swan, black swan.

**Author's Note:**

> When @vairemelde said she would read a prequel this is what came into my head. I'm not sure it's what she wanted but I hope it does the trick anyway.
> 
> I thought the format was a bit of a risk but seemed like the only way to really tell this story from Yoko’s point of view.
> 
> I incorporated a favourite song of mine into this piece.  
> 'She Moved Through the Fair' which is an Irish folk song.  
> I altered the lines slightly.  
> Here's the Fairport Convention version:
> 
>  
> 
> [ Listen here ](https://youtu.be/Hb43-Q70olM)
> 
>  
> 
> I also quoted Paul McCartney's This One.  
> Incidentally both songs have lines about swans.
> 
> Thank you to @Bewaremylove and @where-it-will-go, mcono cheerleaders extraordinaire.
> 
> Thanks to Twinka and celebratorypenguin for encouraging me!


End file.
